At the end of the world,you weren't there.

I've created this blog to put out my everyday experiences not only with myself,but with a boyfriend who suffers from Bipolar Disorder and it's effects on our relationship. It wasn't perfect in the beginning,and it seems as though it's spiralling out of control at an alarming speed. See,my boyfriend is going through a phase where he's entered complete and utter apathy. He doesn't care about anything,or anyone,including me and I feel the same way I did before I met him. Alone and unhappy. I'd like to think about myself and my feelings,but at the same time I'm someone who'd sacrifice their own happiness for someone else. I told myself I'd never go back into a relationship where I put in more emotion and effort into a relationship than someone else, but there's factors in this relationship that I've never had in any other relationship. Besides the fact that it's a real,live relationship and not being conducted over the internet with someone over 1,000 miles away. He loves the outside of me as well as the inside,and it's given me self-confidence. Something I've never really had unless it was an academic achievement,or getting some kind of award. His latest mental rut has turned my subconscious into a world of doubt and emptyness. I had a dream this week that the apocalypse drew near and a volcano erupted next to an empty office building my mother,myself and a regular at Waffle House (I have no idea why...) took refuge in. I tried calling Will (my current boyfriend), and couldn't get a hold of him. I can't tell you why he wasn't there with me,but I couldn't get him on the phone and my mother couldn't make an outgoing call either. I woke up before all of us died almost in tears. Maybe this is a sign of the end of our relationship together? Maybe it's my subconscious saying he's never really going to be there for me emotionally, or through any trials and tribulations I may face in the times to come? I don't know for sure,but I can't fathom him not being around in the future. Maybe it's the utter lonliness talking,but it's the God's honest truth.